My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
