Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
