I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it was like eating out sand paper
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
