why didn't you poke me back
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
