She's JV to your varsity
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
