Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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