I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
