Apparently you make a good broom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need a beard to bite.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize