There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
