On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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