Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
