so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
