I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
