Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
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