i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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