I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
