Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
