cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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