I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize