OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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