I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
