You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
