I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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