i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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