He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
