Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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