So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
