I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
