I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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