i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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