I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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