Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
