Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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