I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
