just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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