i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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