Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
