worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
