just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
