dude i'm inner monologue high
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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