On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
