This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
