Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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