wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
