Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
