there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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