Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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