Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
