mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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