i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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