i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
