is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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