Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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