This house was built for laser tag.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
