Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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