Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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