porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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