I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
