i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
