I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
