She's JV to your varsity
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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