Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
