mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
