11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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