Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
