You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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