I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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